God is so amazing and so big. I went to my first (and only) Women of Faith conference with a friend in November 2007. I was remembering the conference a few days ago and I realized it was then that I finally saw how big God really is. I had been in my own world living and loving and serving. I didn't even try to look outside of my small space in the world.
God's Grace is one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received and I didn't have to do anything to receive it. Thru serving God and establishing my relationship with him and other believers, I just flat out over did it. I raised my hand almost everytime there was a need without thinking or praying. One day, I was officially burned out. It became too much. I didn't know if I was raising my hand out of guilt or conviction. So I stopped raising my hand altogether and tried to piece myself back together.
As I look back on it now, I see where I went wrong. I stopped praying before raising my hand. I was trying please people and not God. I was so concerned about my testimony that I was afraid to make mistakes. The life I live is my testimony so if I'm living it then what good is it?
God was telling me it was time to leave the only church I had ever attended faithfully and he started telling me in November 2007 after I attended the conference. I have a heart and compassion for women's ministry. The women in the conference were such an inspiration to me and I was so moved by their stories and their love for God. I started this blog the next month in hopes of reaching women who need to know they're not alone. But when God was telling me to go, I stayed. I was afraid of the unknown, of losing my friends, of disappointing people and afraid of not making the right decision.
My kids and I began attending Life Church in October 2008. For the first few weeks, I would raise my hand to learn about serving in the church and then when it came time to get more information I put my hand down. I was so afraid of making a mistake that I couldn't hear God talking to me. When I prayed to Him for guidance, I didn't listen when He answered. I seemed to grow further and further away from Him.
Then last Saturday was my low point. I looked at myself and didn't like what I saw. I realized how depressed I had been over the last couple of months. I was feeling like the person I was before I got saved. I was going backwards and not forwards. I asked God "why am I feeling this way. I have been trying so hard." That's just it...I...not Him. I put my faith in myself and not in God. So, when I was able to run to His arms and let Him do what He does best, the sadness and disappointment just seemed to disappear instantly.
God is so amazing and so big! His grace is neverending. He never judges. He always loves and forgives.