Sunday, April 27, 2008

Pray It & Mean It


It's been a while. I haven't felt like writing lately. You could say that I have been complacent in my Spiritual Walk. My relationship with God hasn't been close for several weeks now.

Last week I was in the car thinking about my life. I realized the joy in my life was gone. I have a great job, my family is healthy, my marriage is good and I have lots of friends who share my faith. So why am I without Joy?

I know my life has been crazy as I have tried to adjust to my new career. It's been somewhat challenging. I work close to 60 hours a week (some of the hours are at home). I have had to rearrange my schedule in my personal life. I have felt disconnected from my friends. I am too busy to talk during the day and too tired when I get home at night.

I have been praying that God would help me with the chaos in my life. There wasn't any change, it seemed to be getting worse. But when I prayed last Wednesday it was different than my previous prayers. I meant it that time. I was begging God to help me. I admited to Him that I couldn't take anymore steps by myself. He had to help me or I wasn't going to survive another day. I told God that he would have to answer me in a LOUD voice because I hadn't heard him in a long time.

On my way back from Tulsa that day I heard God for the first time in weeks. It was as if he came down from Heaven just to tap me on the shoulder and tell me He was there and He never left me. God told me that I would have to open my heart to him and make him a priority in my life again. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. It was so amazing. It was a relief to know he was still there.

The next couple of days were better than they had been but today was the best. I slept in this morning and skipped Sunday school. I wasn't really motivated to go to church today. The kids and I got up and went to church anyway. We made it in time for morning services. The message was good and for the first time in weeks I cared what the message was and how it applied to my life. When it was time for the invitation my heart was broken. I was so sorry for how I had put God last in my life. I was sorry for how I hadn't tried to be different and show how God works in my life. I had put God on a shelf and left him there as I began my new job. I rearranged my life and cut God out almost completely. As my heart was broken I also felt so much joy. I felt joy because I knew that I was right where I needed to be. Today I was just a sinner saved by grace. I felt God's mercy as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. It felt so good to cry.

Today, I prayed and I meant it.

God Bless

Monica