"Be Still And Know That I Am God", Psalm 46:10

There have been several times in my life when I haven't understood the reasons things happen. Over the past 6 months so much of my life has changed. As I look back on it, I am puzzled. I don't quite understand the things that have happened or the feelings I have felt.

I know that just 6 short months ago I was so close to God. My relationship seemed rock solid. Alot has happened since then such as a new job. A job that God provided which happens to be an answer to prayers that I prayed for about 3 years. I consistently prayed for God to provide a career for me. I wanted a career that I could grow in and be successful too. Then one day, there it was. The door opened and my new career began. My new career has been a pretty big struggle. I know in my heart that God provided this new career for me and He never promised it would be easy.

Let's see, what else? My husband lost his job in May. This was something we knew was a possibility since January. We are a two income family and that's all there is to it. However, we have made it thru the summer without a hitch. We have had the money that was needed each time it was needed.

That's it, right? Well not quite. About a month ago, I came to the realization that God was leading me out of the only church I have ever known. I was led to Christ by someone from this church. My son was baptized in this church. This is the only church my daughter and son have ever attended. How could this be? At first I was afraid because my closest friends attend this church as well as a lot of my family. I was afraid that people would talk about me and make assumptions that weren't true. I was afraid that I wouldn't find a new church home.

So what does this add up to? Trust and faith in God is a must no matter what. I am happy to report that I am getting acclimated at work. I am told by my peers that it takes about a year to complete the on-boarding process. I can say that I have 6 months down and only 6 months to go! My husband is working part-time and we continue to overcome the financial challenges that life seems to throw our way. My kids are able to continue attending the Christian school we have come to love and appreciate in more ways than one. We visited a wonderful church this past week. It's the second church we visited and we loved it. My kids and I are very excited to attend their Awana's Kick-off tomorrow night as well as next Sunday's services. My mother, who has not attended church in several years, is excited about going with us. Yes, some of the friendships I had from church have changed or even somewhat ended. Some of those friendships have grown even stronger. I have learned that friendships and relationships come and go according to God's purpose.

I believe that God has led me down this path so I can see that I need him when my faith is strong and I need him when my faith is weak. God has been the only constant in my life. He is working in my life minute by minute and continues to bless me and my family. Over and over I can hear "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10.

Thank you for your prayers,

Monica

Taking It All In

I was on MySpace tonight looking around at my friend's sites. I was looking at their pictures and the captions that go along with them. My daughter and I looked at my site and she was looking at the pictures with me (even though they're really old). I started thinking about my kids and how quickly they grow up. My son will be 17 in a couple of weeks and my daughter will be 5 in a couple of days! They are such blessings in my life but I have to wonder if they know how much they mean to me.

It's so easy to get caught up in a "new job" or paying the bills that I seem to let life slip by. As I think back to the last 3 months and wonder what I have done with my time, I can only think of 1 think and that is WORK. What do I have to show for it? Well, let's see. I am more familiar with my job and more comfortable in my position. I love my job. It's fun and always busy. But as I think about it these aren't memories that will stay with me. I don't have pictures to show and relive the memories. My family and I aren't going to sit around the fireplace and think "remember when"!

As I sit here at my computer and think about all of the family pics on my computer just waiting to be printed and put in an album, I wonder what do I do with my time?

I am thankful that God has his subtle and not-so-subtle ways to remind me of what's important. I appreciate the memories that are stored away in my heart. God puts those memories in my heart for a special purpose. The memories in my heart keep my heart warm and open to the Lord's special messages that are meant for me.

I don't want to miss out on the important people in my life: my husband, my kids and my friends/family. I am praying for God to help me with my time management with work and personal life balance. My kids will be starting school in a 3-weeks and I want to be able to spend some time with them before then. Your prayers are appreciated!

God Bless,

Monica

Pray It & Mean It

It's been a while. I haven't felt like writing lately. You could say that I have been complacent in my Spiritual Walk. My relationship with God hasn't been close for several weeks now.

Last week I was in the car thinking about my life. I realized the joy in my life was gone. I have a great job, my family is healthy, my marriage is good and I have lots of friends who share my faith. So why am I without Joy?

I know my life has been crazy as I have tried to adjust to my new career. It's been somewhat challenging. I work close to 60 hours a week (some of the hours are at home). I have had to rearrange my schedule in my personal life. I have felt disconnected from my friends. I am too busy to talk during the day and too tired when I get home at night.

I have been praying that God would help me with the chaos in my life. There wasn't any change, it seemed to be getting worse. But when I prayed last Wednesday it was different than my previous prayers. I meant it that time. I was begging God to help me. I admited to Him that I couldn't take anymore steps by myself. He had to help me or I wasn't going to survive another day. I told God that he would have to answer me in a LOUD voice because I hadn't heard him in a long time.

On my way back from Tulsa that day I heard God for the first time in weeks. It was as if he came down from Heaven just to tap me on the shoulder and tell me He was there and He never left me. God told me that I would have to open my heart to him and make him a priority in my life again. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me. It was so amazing. It was a relief to know he was still there.

The next couple of days were better than they had been but today was the best. I slept in this morning and skipped Sunday school. I wasn't really motivated to go to church today. The kids and I got up and went to church anyway. We made it in time for morning services. The message was good and for the first time in weeks I cared what the message was and how it applied to my life. When it was time for the invitation my heart was broken. I was so sorry for how I had put God last in my life. I was sorry for how I hadn't tried to be different and show how God works in my life. I had put God on a shelf and left him there as I began my new job. I rearranged my life and cut God out almost completely. As my heart was broken I also felt so much joy. I felt joy because I knew that I was right where I needed to be. Today I was just a sinner saved by grace. I felt God's mercy as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. It felt so good to cry.

Today, I prayed and I meant it.

God Bless

Monica

"Ask, and it shall be given you..." Matt 7:7

It was about 3 years ago when I began to want a different job. My degree and a lot of my experience is in human resources. I had a little time as a full time Human Resource Manager. I didn't like the industry I was working in but I loved the position and job duties I had as the HR Manager. You could say HR is my passion.

I was discouraged at times and questioned why God was leaving me at my current job. I sometimes wondered if Human Resources was what I really wanted to do. I received my answer while reading about our spiritual gifts. (maybe future blog topic??) I prayed about it a lot but always the answer was the same..."not yet." I could imagine God shaking his finger while telling me to wait and be patient.

Then it happened! It was 3 years to the exact month I began wanting to find a job in Human Resources. I posted a revised resume on-line and 4 days later received a call from a Senior HR Director about a new position in Oklahoma. The interviewing process went on for a couple of weeks. I tried not to get my hopes up but there were little bits of encouragement along the way. After I made it through the interviewing and pre-employment screening, I was offered the position! I start my new job in just 5 days.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: Matthew 7:7

I have thought a lot about the verse and I have come to learn that God answers our prayers but in His timing. He had a job for me and it's one that I wanted but I had some growing and maturing to do first. There were friendships being developed as well. I learned about being content, being faithful and tolerant of others personalities. I am so thankful that God chose to develop qualities I didn't have (still working on them). My personal life couldn't have handled a change in jobs. My family needed me to be here as much as possible. My spiritual life couldn't have handled it either. I have matured as a Christian and continue to mature and grow with each day and experience.

God didn't just answer my prayer for a new job. I also wanted to grow in the Fruits of the Spirit. I have learned a lot about each one and took some time working on them with God's help. It is a work in progress, believe me. It is a amazing to look back and see what God has done in the last 3 years. I'm looking forward to tomorrow as well.

God Bless

Monica

Grace

I recently read the book "In the Grip of Grace" by Max Lucado. It's one of his older books and I loved it. Max is addressing the concept of grace. Grace is a tough one for me and probably for most people. It's sometimes difficult for me to realize that I am in God's grace. I know in my heart that I don't deserve it but the bible tells me I have it unconditionally and so do you.

Becoming a saved child of God wasn't the tough part for me, it was forgiving myself of the things I had done. I mentioned before that I was almost 24 when I got saved. There are a lot of years that I was lost and doing things without much thought or regret (or so I thought).

I was dead inside and hurting so much. I was looking for happiness in moments that are unspeakable. I was very defensive by nature. Let's just say "kind" wasn't a word people would have used to describe me. It was more like..."Monica is really nice, you just have to get to know her." After I got saved it seemed like my past seemed to come crashing in on me. I could see how wrong the decisions I was making were but I didn't really know how to change everything. I wanted to be a good person but I didn't know how to get past my past or my present.

My uncle told me that all I needed to do was take a step forward (admit I was a sinner and accept Christ as my Savior) and God would do the rest. This was the first mention of grace I had ever heard.

"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:" Ephesians 2:8

We are so accustomed to working for everything we have. It's what my grandparents taught me and it's what I teach my kids. However, God's love isn't earned and we can't pay for our sins. Christ died for our sins before we were even a thought in any person's mind. We were a thought in God's mind when he sent his only son to save the world.

It's been 10 years now and I would have to say that I am not the same person I was yesterday much less 10 years ago. My uncle was right. I took the first step and God did the rest. He continues to speak to me about choices I make and I continue to grow as a Christian. Am I perfect? Of course not, but I am a sinner saved by grace. No matter how far I fall, God is always right there picking me up and giving me a big hug.

I realized a few years ago that the person I was before I got saved is a way for me to witness to others. I have something in common with most people I meet and I pray for God to use me to be a blessing to others. I don't regret my life or the choices I made because they are what makes me who I am today. I choose to let God forgive me so I can look forward to tomorrow.

God Bless
Monica

"Train up a child..." Proverbs 22:6

Our children are wonderful gifts from God. My son, who is now 16 ½, got his driver’s license last week. It is a blessing for us because he has track practice after school and works part-time at Mardel. It has made the morning routine easier because he motivated to get up in the morning and leave for school all by himself. Getting my 4 year daughter ready for school is somewhat challenging on most days of the week.

The day he got his license I started to remember back when he was a little boy. I remembered a time when depression had taken me over and my little boy was all the reason I could think of to get out of bed in the mornings. This was a time before I knew Christ.

He was 5 years old when I got saved in 1997. I was 23 years old. Want to know the funny part? He was 7 years old when he got saved! We have been in the family of God for almost the same amount of time.

He was such a good kid growing up. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a good “kid” but the teenage years are becoming more and more challenging as the days go by. He is struggling with decisions he makes. He knows all the right answers but doesn’t seem to make all the right choices. Does this sound familiar? It certainly does to me. I struggle almost every minute of the day with making the right decisions.

It is difficult for me to let him grow up and make decisions on his own. I want to tell him what to do and control every aspect of his life. I can’t do this because he will never learn anything if he doesn’t have his own experiences. The one fact that continues to bring me comfort is… he is saved by grace. It’s not my job to control his life, it’s God’s. God is in control. My job is to give him limitations and guide him and pray for him.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

The verse is promise to us that if we train our children and they stray from God, God will get their attention and draw them closer to Him. Doesn’t he do that for us over and over again?

As I am writing this even now, I struggle with letting God do what God does. I love my son so much and it hurts me and breaks my heart when he makes poor choices. I want to protect him from the “world”.

I want to praise God for listening to my prayers and answering them in His perfect time according to His perfect plan.

God Bless
Monica

Sisters In Christ

Have you ever had a day when nothing is going right? What makes that day bearable? Have you ever had a day when everything is perfect? What makes that day fantastic? Your friends, your sisters in Christ, fit perfectly in each scenario.

Your sister in Christ is a friend you can call and cry on the phone to and she'll just sit and listen for what seems to be hours. She is a friend you call when you get good news that you both have prayed about "forever".

God has blessed me with me Christian friends. It seems like I connect with each one of them in a special way. Each one is my best friend.

When we accept Christ as our Savior, the Holy Spirit dwells inside of us. We are never alone. The Holy Spirit is there to help us make decisions, to steer us in the right direction, to comfort us when all is failing.

When both you and your friend have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside, there is nothing the two of you can't overcome. We're never alone spiritually and we aren't alone in this world either.

I have had close friends in the past that didn't share my faith. They were "lost" and I was "saved". It was difficult to be the person God expects me to be. I found myself turning back to my old ways. It wasn't their fault. It's a natural occurrence. God separated us in His own time but not until I learned the true value of Christian friendship. For example....The lost friend will participate in gossip. The Christian friend will participate in gossip but the Holy Spirit will knock at their door until they turn away from it. The two of you will be convicted by the Holy Spirit and then encourage each other to stop gossiping because it's wrong and it hurts our testimony.

I appreciate my Sisters so much. We pray for each other, encourage each other, don't judge each other, we forgive each other, we love each other the way Christ loves us. We're only human and we fall on our faces more times than we can count. We help each other stand up and move forward. It's the ideal friendship.

My Sisters are a gift from God. Thank you God! You are truly amazing.

God Bless

Monica

Love one another...John 15:12

I have struggled with what to write about this week. There is so much going on as usual so I could write about a lot of different things. Today is Valentine's Day and I was thinking about how much I love my family and my friends. "Love one another as I have loved you" John 15:12.

While thinking about loving one another, a group of verses came to mind....

Matthew 5:43- 48. "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

Jesus tells us to love the people we don't like, the people that hurt us, the people that are basically unloveable. He said if you love someone you like what have you really done? This verse is so convicting to me everytime I come across it in reading or in thought.

When I think of loving the person that has hurt me, I think of forgiveness. When Jesus gave himself and died on the cross, He did this out of love for me (us). I don't deserve to be loved the way God loves me. He loved me before I was born and He loved me when I was unloveable and He loves me now. When I realized I was a sinner and I needed a savior, I accepted Christ as my savior in February 1997. At that very second, I was forgiven for all of my sins. Sins I wouldn't want my kids to know about were forgiven without a question, inquisition or trial. No questions asked, God forgave me. Why? Love!

So...is it too much for Him to ask me to love my enemies and even forgive them? Love them and forgive them even if they don't derserve it? Even if they don't apologize? Even if they don't ask to be loved or forgiven?

There is a person in my life that I love but they have hurt me a lot. I think most of the hurt they caused was unintentional but nonetheless the hurt was still there. The past is the past but I still needed to forgive them so we could have a future. I began to pray that God would heal my hurt and bring us closer together. I prayed that God would take away my unforgiveness so I could feel true love for them. It didn't happen overnight and it's still a work in progress but our relationship is growing stronger with each prayer.

The power of prayer is a true gift from God.

God Bless

Monica

Answer To Prayer

I have great news! My husband received a paycheck for February. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

God answers prayers. Through prayer and bible reading I was able to keep my focus on God most of last month. I knew in my heart that God was going to take care of us. He always has. It may not be what I would have chosen, but then again, I don't know the future. When my husband needed me to be strong, I was able to ask God for strength and He gave it instantly. When I needed to cry, God made one of my friends available. When I was worried, God gave me comfort. Don't get me wrong. There were several times when I found myself in the middle of a meltdown. I feel sorry for my friends. :)

The lady my husband works with has been really great too. When she found out that accounting hadn't mailed his check, she picked it up and brought it to him. My husband has known her for a long time. She is such a wonderful person and I really appreciate her friendship and kindness.

We're not out of the woods yet but we are good for another month. Through the last few weeks I have come to realize how important it is that we manage our finances. We have put ourselves on a budget. This was our first week. We have two more days and we have stuck to the budget so far. My husband is being really supportive. I put some money in savings and it was really fun!

Luke 8:22-25 is the story of Jesus quieting the storm. Jesus and the disciples get on a ship to go across to the other side of the lake. Jesus is really tired and chooses to rest. During his rest, a storms develops over the lake. The waves are crashing against the ship filling it with water. The disciples were afraid and feared for their lives. They woke Jesus telling him they were going to perish. He spoke and the wind and waves ceased and the water was calm. His reponse to the disciples was in verse 25. "And he said unto them, Where is your faith?" The disciples were in the same boat with Jesus and still feared for their lives. They witnessed his miracles in person and still doubted him. But who are we to judge them? Don't we do the same thing? Aren't we in the same boat with Jesus? Do we doubt him and question him over and over again?

My goal for February is to learn from my walk through January. God will provide for my family and allow what is best for us. I must be in constant fellowship with God.

God Bless.
Monica

"In every thing give thanks..." 1 Thes 5:18

This week I praise God for you, my readers and supporters. You encourage me so much just by reading my blog. Those of you that leave comments, send me emails or comment in person are so encouraging. It inspires me to continue writing each week. I pray for God to lead me as I prepare for my next post. He is faithful each week.

I would like to hear from you this week. What do you praise God for today? The bible tells us "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thes 5:18

When I am praising God, I can't hear the devil whisper in my ear the lies he likes to tell me. You know the ones..."you're a failure", "you're not a good person", "you're not a good mom", "you won't have enough money this month", etc, etc, etc!!! It's truly never ending.

I dedicate this post to each of us that choose to praise God and give thanks in every thing!

God Bless

Monica

"My Grace Is Sufficient For Thee" II Cor 12:9a

God can use anyone and anything according to His will and purpose.

Last night our church children's program, Light Brigade, held the annual talent show. The kids that participate are ages 3 to 8th grade (not sure what age that is). I was feeling pretty down and overwhelmed with all that our family is experiencing (the unknown with my husband's work). I know in my heart that God will take care of us but the "what if's" get to me sometimes. I didn't really feel like being around anyone but I had to be there. My daughter is in the Glimmers I class (3, 4 & 5 yrs) and I teach the Glimmers II (k, 1st & 2nd grades) class. So, I put a smile on my face and went.

As I watched the kids perform their talents for God, their friends and family, I couldn't help but smile not only on the outside but the inside too. How amazing is it that God uses little kids to lift me up? They know nothing about what I'm going through but they encourage me with their innocence and love for God.

Life is going to be overwhelming at times and I know that but sometimes my flesh gets tired and I don't feel like fighting anymore. When I get that way, God knows and uses somebody and/or something to lift my spirits and show me that He hasn't forgotten me.

When I got home it was pretty late and I chose to relax by reading (this is normal for me). I am currently reading "In The Grip Of Grace" by Max Lucado. The chapter was based on II Corinthians 12 and titled "Sufficient Grace". Max writes about what Paul was experiencing and his prayers to God. Paul had a thorn in the flesh, but doesn't tell us what the thorn is exactly. He said Satan put it there to buffet (torment) him. He asked God three times to remove it and God said no. But God did say "My strength is made perfect in weakness" II Corinthians 12:9b. When we are weak, we allow God's strength and power to help us and with God we can do anything. He allows different situations so that we might draw near to Him.

II Corinthians 12 happens to be one of my favorite chapters in the bible. I didn't just "happen" to read that chapter last night. God knew I would need a gentle push and reminder that "His grace is sufficient for me" (see II Corinthians 12:9a).

Today I am feeling much better as I am reminded of God's Mercy,Grace and Love.

God Bless and Thank You For Your Prayers.

Monica

Consider The Lilies (Luke12:27-28)

My husband is a freelance graphic artist. He currently works for a company as a subcontractor and is paid monthly per a contract agreement. He found out last week the company may not be able to keep him as a subcontractor. They want to keep him and pay him as long as they can. There is no guarantee that he will receive a check next month. His job is unstable.

I praise God for my Christian friends who have been supporting me and praying for me. I received a card in the mail from a friend who wanted me to know she is praying. I have received emails with scripture and encouraging words. God is so amazing. I love the way He puts people in my life at just the right time.

I have a relatively new friend at work. I invited her to our church ladies' meeting last week. In the midst of everything going on at home I completely forgot about it. She came in my office and reminded me of it by letting me know how excited she was about it. I got excited again just through our conversation. We went and had so much fun. Our friendship reached a new level that night. God knew we needed each other. Her grandmother passed away two days later and we spoke on the phone a few times encouraging each other.

The message at church Sunday was amazing too. Pastor preached about trials and the way in which we walk through them. He reminded us that people are walking behind us and seeing our footsteps. We can choose to go through trials with or without God. We can choose to give or not to give God the glory as we overcome them. It made me think that my husband needs me to be strong right now. I CAN be strong because I have the Lord. I choose to walk upright through this trial and trust in the Lord. He knew this was going to happen and He has a plan for our family. God will provide for all of our needs.

A verse keeps showing up through email and my bible study.

Luke 12:27-28

Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more [will he clothe] you, O ye of little faith? (KJV)

I ask you to please pray for my husband and our family.

God Bless.
Monica

Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness...Psalm 143:8

My absolute favorite Psalm is Psalm 143. It is a wonderful 12 verses. I read it over and over, especially when I feel overwhelmed with life or sad or just not myself.

For this post I want to direct you to Psalm 143:8...."Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee."

I like to think of this verse before I go to bed at night so I can try to remember it when I wake up in the morning. It seems like I wake up with the best of intentions. Today, I am going to have a great day. I'm not going to let the world get me down. I'm going to be kind to others and smile at every person I see. Well I do pretty good right up until I get out of bed! If the morning is hectic because the kids won't wake up or my daughter is whiny and cries over every little thing, it seems like my whole day is ruined. Why is that? I believe it's Satan. He knows that when I get stressed it's difficult for me to put God in front and follow Him. A hectic morning is a great way to get me off my intended path.

After I heard God's lesson for me through my trial last week, I created a new morning routine. I had to call on my mother for help because I'm not a morning person. She calls and wakes me up at 5 a.m. I read my bible and pray for 20 minutes. Then I work out to a Leslie Sansone walking video for 30 minutes and do 50 or more ab crunches. Then by 6:00 I get myself ready for work. It takes me about 20 or 30 minutes to get ready since I shower at night. I don't need a shower after my workout because I only do the 2 mile walk. By 6:30 I'm completely ready for my day and I can attempt to wake up the kids. If my daughter is a little whiny, that's okay. I can sit with her on the couch and sing to her or get her attention to the Disney channel. I also have time to tell my teenage son about 50 times to get up and get in the shower. By the time my daughter is awake and dressed her mood is much better and she watches t.v. while she eats breakfast. This allows me to make our lunches and get my stuff ready to go.

All of this to say, where's Satan in all of this? Well he's knocking but I can't hear him. I have the word of God in my heart fresh from my morning reading. I have gotten up early enough to avoid being late and stressing over the little things that come along the way.

If you are having a stressful time in your day that seems to ruin the rest of the day, stop for a minute and think how you might reorganize and fit God in for a few minutes. It's been such a blessing for me.

Plus, I'm exercising. I always thought the people that say you have more energy when you exercise sounded so crazy. But I can honestly say it's true. Even though I'm getting up at 5 a.m. I feel great!

I encourage you to read Psalm 143. In the beginning the Psalmist is sad and desperate but towards the middle he begins to reach for God and his tone changes to positive and strong. I love it!

God Bless

Monica